Saturday, September 17, 2016

The Little Things

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
-Helen Keller

I'm not even sure where to begin this post, and it's long overdue. There are so many people who have helped us out without fail, without expectation, without being asked, without proper thank you notes, and without judgement. 

I don't know how I can ever repay the kindness, generosity, and compassion displayed by so many, but I hope if you are reading this you know how much of a difference you have made in our lives. From financial support, to graduation parties, school clothes, fundraising, phone calls, friendship, meals, cards, texts, and prayers...the list is never ending and I am SO thankful it's overwhelming. I know that leukemia and all we are so truly blessed even when the world around us is chaotic and uncertain. 

Thank you for loving us, for supporting us, for your prayers, kind words, actions and deeds. I can only hope that one day I can repay you all through my own acts of kindness. Without all of you I don't know where we would be. From the bottom of my humble heart and on behalf of my family I thank you. Words are simply not enough, but right now they are all I have to give.

Brian is home now. Today is day +24. To most this will mean nothing, and if I'm honest I'll tell you that pre-cancer day +24 would mean nothing to me either. I wouldn't get it, and I hope that nobody reading this ever has to "get it" like we do right now.  He is doing very well but with his type of leukemia each day is a gift. His transplant has been successful so far but he still has a very long way to go even before we reach what will be our "new normal". 

Our days are filled with watching and waiting, for fevers, new aches or pains for things to appear or disappear, blood tests, IV transfusions, medications, and for me...running the kids to their activities. I've learned to appreciate the little things like my daughter wanting me to brush her hair, watching a baseball game without looking at my phone, the laugher of my children, snuggling, holding hands, and looking through picture albums. 

I took my husband to Home Depot the other day at his request and had to fight back tears (not because I hate going to Home Depot and I do hate going to Home Depot... Menards is way better) as I watched him walking up and down the aisles. It was so "normal" and I realized that I had to savor every moment of this normal because we now know all to well how quickly things can change. I wanted to race back in time and make the most of all the moments I so carelessly lived without truly appreciating the miracles that happen every day. 

Have you ever realized that you love somebody so much that it hurts? If cancer has done anything positive in my life it is that it's made me slow down and savor life... aside from that it can bite me, because I still hate it.

So as inadequate as this feels this is my rambling way of trying to express my gratitude, my hope is that you know how much I appreciate each and every one of you. 

God is good. All the time.