Thursday, January 14, 2010

Seven years....

Life is such a gift, and I am so thankful for all I have, yet every year this date sends me reeling.  Missing a little girl that I barely got a chance to know.  It's especially hard not to wonder what she would be like at seven.  I'm afraid the truth is that she would be very fragile, and spend a lot of time in hospitals, and in pain, and I would be in constant fear of losing her.  

 I often feel guilty about all the things I put her through in order to try to keep her here with me.  I also feel guilty about letting her go when I did.  Today is Alyssa's birthday, and my mom's birthday, so while I try to summon up birthday wishes, they are tinged with sorrow, and I am sorry that I didn't keep her on life support for another day, or a week so that their special days didn't have to be tied to my deepest sorrow.   

 At the time dates were not even in my conscious thought.  Briona's short three months were a blur of joy, surgery, hope, pain, anxiety, hope, surgery, fear, anguish, desperation and sorrow.  It was not until after she had passed in our arms that the date registered.   To Alyssa and my mom, I am forever sorry.  I just knew she couldn't hold on anymore.  And neither could I.

Rest in peace Briona Hope.  Mommy loves you.

God is good.  All the time.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

A picture is worth 1000 words....

I know I have been a bad blogger.  Even my mom is complaining.  We've just been so busy, and I've been really LAZY, and have spent way too much time tending my imaginary farm on Facebook.  So let's see.... since Matthew's birthday, Ruby had her first Twirlettes Recital.  She was adorable, and LOVED every minute!

She was THRILLED that the REAL Santa made an appearance.  Clara confirmed that it was indeed the real Santa, because he, "Had him's sack."  :)

The kids had the annual Jingle Bell walk at school.  This is my favorite event at school.  Of course they were adorable.  
Here's Squish with one of his loves.  

Alyssa came to town, and Christmas happenings came with her.  She was in town for a week and it was a really nice visit.  Here's Ricky with his "Handerwear" in his underwear on Christmas morning.  (Won't he love me for posting this years from now?)Here's the kids at Grandma Janice's house.
And here is just what I think is a really cute picture of Clara!  She got the sweater for Christmas and wants it to be her kindergarten sweater!  I am thankful that she has finally adjusted to school and is looking forward to next year!  
Alyssa somehow manages to avoid my camera.  Here's a group shot, but you can't really see her face!  And last, but certainly not least, Noah turned 12!!  He chose money over a party, and has happily bought himself video games.  I can't believe he is 12 already!  Here's the birthday boy.  (Thankfully NOT in his birthday suit!!)Here are my top 12 things I love about Noah...
1.  He loves his mommy!
2. He is so very smart!
3. He has a great sense of humor!
4. His lack of fashion sense.  Makes buying him clothes MUCH easier!!
5. His love of baseball.
6. His ability to talk to anyone, anywhere!
7. His loyalty to those he considers his friends.
8. His respect for his teachers.
9. He is not trying to grow up too fast.
10. The way he thanks me for even the little things. 
11. His ability to laugh at himself.
12.  The knowledge that Noah will be able to be whatever he wants to be when he puts his mind to it.  

I am so lucky to have such a wonderful son.

God is good.  All the time.