I often feel guilty about all the things I put her through in order to try to keep her here with me. I also feel guilty about letting her go when I did. Today is Alyssa's birthday, and my mom's birthday, so while I try to summon up birthday wishes, they are tinged with sorrow, and I am sorry that I didn't keep her on life support for another day, or a week so that their special days didn't have to be tied to my deepest sorrow.
At the time dates were not even in my conscious thought. Briona's short three months were a blur of joy, surgery, hope, pain, anxiety, hope, surgery, fear, anguish, desperation and sorrow. It was not until after she had passed in our arms that the date registered. To Alyssa and my mom, I am forever sorry. I just knew she couldn't hold on anymore. And neither could I.
Rest in peace Briona Hope. Mommy loves you.
God is good. All the time.